ADULT CHILDREN OF TRAUMA/ALCOHOLICS

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Helping Families of Alcoholics and Substance Use

1173167287This relationship is consuming everything – including my mind!

All I think about is the resentment running in the background… and the anger that erupts from it.

…and how he always turns the conversation around to fit his point. He ALWAYS has to have the last word.

In fights, he complains about his father… and I’m always shocked he doesn’t realize he’s just like him.

Am I just like his mother? I feel like it. I come home and do all the housework.

It’s not ALWAYS bad.

Sometimes, things are good. For a while… then we’re back to square one.

There’s a pattern: We have great sex, the relationship gets better, there’s an issue (that’s just life), and then we both pull back into our separate ways.

I just keep on like nothing’s wrong. But all the while, the resentment mounts.

He has no idea, of course. Does he really think sex fixes all our problems? He must… because he gets really mean when I’m too tired to have sex at the end of the day.

Life seemed much easier before we had kids.

The drinking was actually fun back then.

But now, between playdates, birthday parties, tutors, and our teenager yelling at us to leave her alone…

I guess this just isn’t what I thought a family was. I always dreamed it would bring me so much joy.

Now, all I can think about is that scene of my alcoholic father passed out in the driveway. He’s lucky he made it home that day. He could have killed someone!

Mom always hid his drinking from us. Maybe that’s why I thought our childhood was so great.

1103094848Maybe we should try therapy.

Clearly, waiting for things to improve on their own isn’t working.

Even if he doesn’t join in right away or just comes once in a while, it might be the first step. I’ve always forced him to go to couples therapy. Maybe he will find his own therapist to work on his stuff.

If I learn about myself, maybe I could be a better role model for our family.

And maybe I could learn about things like why my mother always put up with my father’s drinking.

I can learn some parenting skills to guide our daughter so we can connect again instead of forcing her.

Our other children will learn to express themselves without watching us fight over our differences.

We’ll be able to trust each other’s decisions as partners, and the children will learn to tolerate our boundaries. “No” means “no.”

I can see a better life with him.

He really is a great father. I have so many great memories with him when he was sober.

And I enjoy our sex life. It’s not that I don’t want to… I just wish it weren’t affected by all the drama and resentment surrounding his drinking.

Maybe we could do our date nights again! I’m getting excited here. Thinking like this makes me want to plan a weekend away!

You know, for the first time in a while, I think I’m getting optimistic about growing old with him. I know we can get back to common ground and enjoy our golden years together.

1241855704Are you ready to restore balance in your family?

If you’re reading this, you probably have your own chaos at home and in your relationship.

But things can change, and I’m here to guide and support you every step of the way.

My clients dealing with these issues usually tell me that reaching out was the hardest thing they ever had to do.

But they also say it was the BEST thing they ever did.

I’m here to help. Call today, and we can talk about what’s going on during your free consultation: (310) 945-2809.

Let’s explore you two as a couple or Individually.

 Call today to discuss your specific needs during your Free Consultation.

              (310)945-2809

PHOTO BY: Kinga Cichewicz